-insert horror music here-

Ah, the pleasant, much loved DMV. The sound of those three lovely letters bring warmth to my heart. Only not.

I walk up to the woman at the front desk and she tells me I need a birth certificate or a passport to renew my drivers permit. I don't have it. I could walk away, try another day, but no. I take the number she gives me and sit down. I wait. Wait some more. We figure we'll see what the paperwork-person says, but then my stepmom offers to drive all the way back home to get my passport. I don't actually want her to, but she's out the door before I can say "Wait, it's not THAT important!" but hey, we're waiting here already for my sister to take the permit test (for the third time).

Notice: I had a permit. I had it for a year. It died.

So I wait, fill out the form, look at my number (G034), look at the screen that tells you when your number is called, look at my form, sign the little box and then realize I'm not supposed to sign it yet. Oops...

I realize my stepmom needs to sign the form and tell me what my social security number is. She's not back yet. They call my number and I walk up to window 10 (it's not really a window, just a counter pretending to be a window). The man in 'window' number 10 looks at the DL44 form I filled out and says,

"You need your social security number and your parent's signature."

"Oh."

"Do you have your other forms?"

"What?"

"The little packet of forms?"

I give him what I have: my old permit and a yellow slip of paper that says I completed driver's training. It's not enough.

"Sorry, I'll remember next time." I drop my purse, bend to pick it up, then drop my yellow slip of paper, pick that up too, then drop my sweater. I walk away holding my bag by the flap that closes it, my papers pinched tightly in my other hand, my sweater dangling preariously over both arms. I walk out the door to see my stepmom get out of the car. I tell her I didn't have what I needed. She's holding my passport.

"Oh," she says. She gets back in the car. I sit in the back seat and mumble "sorry" several times.

At least my sister passed the permit test.

Matador photo found at www.awkblog.com

Awkward Food

Below is a list of food that you shouldn't eat on a date unless you like awkward moments:

Sandwiches/Hamburgers/Anything similar - Eating these is messy business, and the meat and other goodies usually fall out and then you have to use your fingers to stuff it all back inside the sandwich-like thing and then continue eating. It's not very graceful.

Ribs - The sauce on this food item gets everywhere: your fingers, your mouth, your napkin, your shirt. Just stay away. Unless you like looking like a vampire.

Mexican Hot Dogs - According to a friend of mine, Mexican hot dogs are topped with all sorts of delicious goodness. However, they're messy. Extremely messy. As I stated before, messy foods are not graceful.

(see what I mean?)

Corn on the Cob - The corn bits and stringy stuff get stuck in your teeth, which makes for awkward smiling afterwards. No one likes smiling (or kissing) with crap in their teeth.

Popsicles - You have to be careful with these because if you eat them too suggestively, you might give your date the wrong idea. That could get really awkward. This goes for all other similarly-shaped items (like hot dogs and bananas). Just be careful with them...

(monkeys.)

Sources:

Mexican hot dog photo found here

Monkey photo found here

Something Fun to Do

Next time you're on the subway or a sunny bench in a lovely little park, I suggest that you and an accomplice complete this next task for the joy of being awkward. Here I have a step-by-step manual for you:

One: Find a fellow or a lady who is reading something engrossing (i.e. someone distracted by a literary work of some sort). Have your accomplice record the ensuing events.

Two: Walk up to your chosen victim.

Three: Sit or stand near your victim.

Four: Commence to read over the victim's shoulder until they notice you.

Five: When your victim discovers you hovering over his/her shoulder, ask your victim what book s/he is reading.

Six: Upon hearing the answer, say "I'm sorry, I have a waffle in my ear."

Seven: Walk away.

I assure you, this task will bring great joy to you and your accomplice. Share your findings and laugh. I hope your day will be a tad brighter.

Awkward Girl

I felt that, since this is a new blog, I would find a video to post. This is the first video that came to mind...

What are YOUR favorite awkward videos?

First Day on the Job

One day, a man - let us call him Tobias - sat on a sunny bench hoping to get some reading done. Little did he know, someone was watching him...


You see, the watcher could not help but notice how absorbed Tobias was with his book. For a while she contented herself with watching from afar, but soon she could not resist the mystery that was Tobias...

She walked up to him, a bit shyly at first, and sat down next to him. She took out a box of orange Tic-Tacs. It shook loudly as she extracted two of the orange little darlings and placed them gingerly in her mouth. She turned to Tobias. "Would you like a Tic-Tac?" she asked. He looked up from his book. "Uh... No thanks..."

The girl was disappointed to say the least. She quickly grew bored and walked away. The end.